05.12.06
Non-Contradiction
I’m in the midst of the most profound sort of personal crisis.
It has long been my cherished belief that the so-called “messenger bag” has no place in a self-respecting heterosexual man’s wardrobe.
If that’s the case, then what the hell is Jack Bauer doing with one?!? I had previously been evading reality by telling myself (and others) that Bauer kept all his weapons and gear in a “duffel bag,” a “laptop bag,” or some other such delusion. However, I just read on Blog4Bauer that Bauer’s actual bag is being sold on Amazon.com and they call it [gasp] a “messenger bag.”
(Actually, they call it a “Heavyweight Classic Messenger and Travel Bag — Unisex.” The word they seem to be groping for is “manpurse.”)
How can this be? Jack Bauer is the quintessential symbol of manliness for the 2000s. Messenger bags are not manly. If he wears a manpurse then nothing is sacred. Will he start getting most of his intel by listening to gossip at the nail salon? Will his primary tool of torture be a hot curling iron? Where does it end?
Perhaps I’m overreacting. Maybe Bauer, being the pragmatic sort, realizes that the messenger bag is simply the best tool for the job and uses it despite its implications. Remember how he kept it hidden away until he absolutely needed it? The War on Terror requires sacrifice after all.
No. I’m simply deluding myself again. He chose that messenger bag. I’ve seen his work and I refuse to believe that Jack Bauer is some sort of closet metro, hipster, or emo. This can only mean one thing. I must have been wrong about messenger bags.
They do have a certain utility to them. They allow quicker access to their contents than backpacks. They allow for the concealment of larger items than pockets. They keep all necessary equipment in one place (”Damn! I have the plastique, but the detonators are in my other pants!”). They also have a long strap that can be used to strangle terrorists.
Does this mean that messenger bags are now manly? Maybe they are. Then again, maybe Bauer chose to wear one specifically so he would appear harmless.
I don’t think so though. Even when undercover, Jack Bauer never loses his “man on a mission” look. Therefore, I must conclude he considers the messenger bag to be part of his overall self-image. Remember: Image is everything.
Where does this leave me? Do I abandon my original notion and embrace the manpurse just because Bauer says it’s ok? Or do I hold out and stubbornly cling to my original notion of manliness?
Oh, screw it. Where’s my credit card…
capitalist_pig said,
May 12, 2006 at 6:05 pm
For the record, I’m all for anything that allows you to kill more effectively–be it a silencer or a manpurse (opps, I mean a “utility bag”). That said, I wonder how many rounds it can hold.
Administrator said,
May 12, 2006 at 7:27 pm
The most disturbing part for me is that I now have a Clothing & Fashion category.
Mr_Right said,
May 13, 2006 at 7:31 pm
fyi to anyone who reads this blog, capitalist_pig has a manpurse.
cappy_t.lisman said,
May 14, 2006 at 4:49 pm
you have got to be kidding me.
capitalist_pig said,
May 14, 2006 at 6:59 pm
Mr_Right has one too.
Mr_Right said,
May 15, 2006 at 11:16 am
capitalist_pig, you don’t need to be ashamed of your manpurse, and you certainly don’t need to go accusing others of having one who don’t. Shame on you. If anything, you should be proud that you had the courage to come out and wear one years before Jack Bauer had the guts to. There is no use in keeping these things in the closet.
fhorn2 said,
May 16, 2006 at 8:29 am
I do think you are having a personal crisis.
Don’t buy it you would be wasting your money.
wetwillie said,
August 8, 2006 at 3:17 pm
this question. Most guys would never be caught dead with a manpurse. But with Jack Bauer showcasing the utility and versatility of such an accessory, can guys now wear one without fear of being “feminized”?
up until the 1800’s such a item was called a possibles not a manpurse - watch the movie “the Patriot” with Mel Gibson. no sissy there. actually they carried 2 possibles - one for their stuff, and one for their gun stuff.
i carry a possibles, and i’m not sissy, just like to carry stuff, kinda like the boy scout motto - “be prepared”
sissy, man purse would probably depend on the person, and the type of bag he carried. you never see women carring bags like Bauer or Gibson. it’s deffenitly a man thing.
cameraguy68 said,
May 19, 2008 at 2:39 pm
Im a 39 year old male heterosexual male, happily married, have a 2 year old son. This having been said I add I am also very confident in my masculinity, I learned back in college how useful a messenger bag can be, that lesson stuck, till this day I still carry one everywhere, It transports my books, magazines, phone, keys basically stuff i don´t want or fit in my pockets.
This whole labeling it a MAN bag is just so homophobic it´s funny. Then again I firmly believe the clothes do not make the man but viceversa. Be assertive about who you are, that´s all to it, sorry to sorta steal from Geico, but it´s so easy even a homophobic caveman can do it.